The gays, the candidates, the graphs

Wherein in no one is surprised about much.

Marriage Equality USA has released a thoroughly thorough graph detailing the positions of all presidential candidates, including Barack Obama. Let’s we check it out.

Hokay.

So, the only candidate who got 100 percent markings for his love of the gays is Fred Karger, who himself is gay and is basically a totally fake candidate.

Barack Obama does second best (I’ll let you think about that for a minute), followed by Republican Gary Johnson. He does pretty well – not much worse than Mr. President – but, alas, no one has ever heard of him.

To me the most interesting result is Ron Paul, who manages to land quite solidly at number 4 without believing in marriage equality, civil unions, domestic partnerships or nondiscrimination in employment. Really, the employment nondiscrimination “maybes” are just fascinating. Maybe, maybe you shouldn’t be able to lose your job for having teh gay. Maybe. [Here’s looking at you, Mr. President.]

Question: Ron Paul still sucks on the issues, so why are so many liberal white kids like AW HELL #heaintthatbad?

John Hunstman believes in civil unions and domestic partnerships, but not marriage – like Gary Johnson and our own president, separate & unequal is looking just fine.

There are a few maybes from there, including Herman Cain’s maybe repeal DOMA and Mitt Romney’s maybe gays should be able to adopt. Tasty.

But most of the rest of the graph is one big pink blob (*giggle*). The following candidates do not believe in equality on any of the listed criteria: Michelle Bachmann (ahem), Rick Santorum & Rick Perry (what a fine pair of Dicks), Newt Gingrich & Thaddeus McCotter (who?). To be clear, that means that all five of these candidate believe:

  • gay couples deserve no recognition of any kind
  • foreign-born partners of American queers cannot get citizenship
  • the federal government should define marriage
  • gays couples should not be able to adopt
  • queer people should be able to be fired summarily for being queer whether they work in the public or private sectors
  • queers should not be able serve openly in the military
  • partners of queers in the military do not deserve equal benefits
  • gay couples should not be able to wed on base (which is sort of moot when you consider they wouldn’t allow any same-sex couplings)
  • oh, and – no gay judges NOPE NONE UH UH

To recap: only queer people like queer people, you will not have a pro-marriage candidate to vote for, idiots still like Ron Paul for some idiot reason, and being a political issue is still really depressing.

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2 thoughts on “The gays, the candidates, the graphs

  1. That said, and as much as I don’t like the guy, the chart is deceptive re: Ron Paul – he is against gay marriage/civil unions/domestic partnership b/c he believes government shouldn’t be involved in marriage. Basically ‘No, there shouldn’t be a law to make gay marriage federally recognized – there should be a law to end federally recognized marriage altogether’

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